The Choices We Make
by Twilight Antediluvian
Summary: HitsuKarin. Kurosaki Karin goes to Soul Society to train with Rangiku. Things happen. And in the end, what defines us is not so much who we are as what roads we choose to take. Who we love and how we love.
1. Chapter 1

"We must not shed tears. That is the defeat of the body by the heart. Because, for us, this thing called "the heart" can become nothing less than proof that one's existence is superfluous."

- Kuchiki Rukia, Bleach (anime) Season 1

**The Choices We Make**

Her brother the captain, Kurosaki Ichigo, looked at the senkai gate as if it could bite him, uneasily straightening his Fifth division haori, though Karin was sure it wasn't necessary. A year ago it had been decided that her reiatsu was creating too great disturbances in Karakura town and she had been politely "offered" special training in Soul Society. At first, she'd been thrilled. That had changed one evening, when she realised she wouldn't be training under her brother. There had been a row. He had promised that fukutaichou Matsumoto Rangiku was a good woman and would train her well. It didn't help much, but in the end her protectiveness of her family's wellbeing meant Karin couldn't stay mad for long. She'd been away from them too long, studying the sciences at a college, and then she'd received a message from the Soul Society, suggesting rather decisively that she get some training before Karakura town became permanently infested with Hollows because she couldn't control her reiatsu. Not in so many words, of course, but the message had come across clearly. So just a few days ago, Ichi-nii had come home to take her away again. Only this time, there would be no late-night phone calls to Yuzu. No weekend football games with the gang. Just training and Ichi-nii, whose taichou responsibilities would be weighing heavily on him. _I'm 20 though_, she thought, _and a Kurosaki. I'll be ok, even if I can't train with Ichi-nii_.

Seeing the light through the gate was like walking into Heaven, and arriving in Seireitei didn't exactly dull that impression. They were greeted by two people she actually recognised. Abarai Renji looked the same as when they had met last, almost ten years ago. Hitsugaya Toushirou no longer looked like the gangly kid that had saved her from taking a nasty beating in a football match she still remembered. Rather, he had grown into his haori. He wasn't old by any means, but he looked more her own age than thirteen now. Trying to be calm in the presence of so many amazing things, she only had time to think: _I should probably say hi_, before Hitsugaya's eyes had swept over her with little interest and returned his interest to her brother and their conversation. _What… why? Doesn't he remember me at all?_ Then, Renji was at her side, smiling.

"Don't let Toushirou bother you, he's like that. I'm fukutaichou Ab…"

"Abarai Renji," she finished. "I've heard of you. I'm Kurosaki Karin." That made Renji laugh.

"Kurosaki, eh? Sounds good to me. You were going to train with Rangiku?"

"Yeah."

"Great." Renji smiled slyly. "I think we can wake her before she's cured her hangover from last night." Feeling a bit more at ease with this man, Karin let Ichi-nii and Toushirou disappear into the distance as Renji led her toward the tenth division barracks.

Meeting with a hung-over Matsumoto Rangiku as first thing in a new and strange world wasn't how she had imagined the Soul Society. The woman had been nice, but a bit too emotional for Karin's tastes. Renji had offered to show her a nice spot after they dropped off her things, leaving Rangiku to recuperate for a while. Karin had immediately fallen in love with the place he brought her to. The entrance was a stone garden, turning first into a garden, and then into an ordered wilderness. Just as they were about to enter the truly wild parts, however, Renji received a Hell Butterfly.

"Darn. I need to go, will you find your way back on your own?" At Karin's nod he smiled and was gone before another word had been said. Shunpo. She'd heard of it from her brother just this week, it was amazing that she might learn something like that, but as of now she felt like exploring something familiar. Her college had been close by a derelict house with a massive garden-turned-wilderness. This was a bit more tame, but she felt a tiny spark of excitement in her heart when she realised she was alone to explore this place…

She had forgotten how late she'd been home that time when she first explored the wilderness near her college campus. Of course, she was cursed with the same thing happening again and now she was lost in a forest she didn't know the way out of. She'd scraped her knee along the way. It was nice scenery though; she couldn't help but admire it as she walked past on a slope. The old trees looked almost alive, the little stream sparkled in the sunset. Of course, she shouldn't have let herself be so distracted. It only took one faulty step on a loose stone and she was rolling down the slope. She yelped as she fell into the chilly water, but the little stream had stopped her fall nicely. She rose with a curse, but then she realised what a hopeless idiot she had been. She'd make others worry about her; Ichi-nii had trusted her and she'd gotten lost! _Oh well_, she thought, squaring her shoulders again and looking around to try and get her bearings straight, _I've put myself in this situation, so I'll get myself out of it_. With mulish determination she stepped out of the water and started scaling the slope again.

"You're lost, aren't you?" The voice sounded tired, as if the person behind it was unwilling to talk to her, but thought it was necessary. She turned, holding onto a tree to keep her balance. She hadn't seen him; he was sitting against a tree, still as the surrounding landscape. Toushirou. She wanted to walk up to him and tell him who she was, but if he didn't remember her…

"Yeah, which way is out?" She didn't say anything else and he merely pointed in the direction she was already going. "Thank you, taichou." If he didn't even remember her, the least she could do was respect the title Ichi-nii had said he had. As a token of the friendship they'd had during the few days she'd known him… it _was_ nearly ten years ago though, so it wasn't all that strange that he didn't remember. She would manage, she was here to train, maybe she'd see him again and maybe not. Her soggy shoes didn't get a very good grip in the mud, however, and halfway up she slipped again, falling face-first in the mud. With a scowl, she got back to her knees before she saw a hand outstretched toward her. That was quick._ Shunpo again?_ she thought, but stood back up on her own.

"You're persistent. Who are you?" he wondered. She wasn't quite sure why, but she didn't want him knowing just yet if he hadn't figured it out on his own.

"I'm just here for special training." Why couldn't he remember? Then, as if she couldn't help herself…"I'm Yuzu." Wow, that was stupid, but something stopped her from correcting herself. Once upon a time she and her twin had looked a lot like each other.

"Right… Yuzu. I think you need to get back before you're missed." He sighed deeply and held out his arm toward her again. "It's at least half an hour's walk, it'd be dark by then. Hang on and I'll get you out of here." She stood there, looking at him sceptically. He sighed. "Come on. They'll be worried." That made her move. She wasn't exactly sure what he had in mind, but when she warily reached for his hand, he put his arm around her waist.

"_Hey_!"

"Stop complaining and hang on. You're soaked, you need a change of clothes." Still sceptical, but willing to trust him, she put an arm around his shoulders. The trip was amazing and strange. She could feel his muscles, straining, relaxing, and moving under her arm and behind her back. Everything went by so fast. It was like chasing the sun and it took an impossible toll on her body to move like that. By the time they reached the stone garden she was ready to throw up. When he put her down she had to fight the weakness in her limbs, her knees wanted to buckle but she refused to allow it. By sheer force of will she remained standing, but was unable to think or walk for the first few seconds. Then Toushirou's voice reached her through the stress on her muscles.

"Sorry. I assumed you were accustomed to shunpo, with your level of reiatsu." He didn't sound all that sorry, but he wasn't an emotional type, either.

"It's ok, I'm fine," she breathed heavily. "I'll find my way from here." She vaguely saw his headshake.

"I'll walk you. I want to be sure you don't get lost again." She actually managed to laugh, though it almost made her cough.

"I'm just going a few blocks, to the… tenth division barracks. You don't need to worry about me, but thanks." There was a short silence after that.

"You're not a shinigami?" he wondered, sounding surprised and a bit suspicious. "Why are you going to the tenth division?"

"I told you, I'm getting special training. From Matsumoto-fukutaichou." Another pause, it was impossible to see when he remembered.

"Hm. You had some connection to Kurosaki?"

"Yes," she agreed, but decided to leave the complications for later. She would rather not be Ichi-nii's shadow, no matter how much she loved him. If she was ever recognised, she wanted to know that it was because of her own skill rather than her brother's.

"I thought I remembered you, from earlier today. Let's go." At first, that sentence had her hoping for something more… that he might remember _her_… from when they had first met. Obviously not, though. She followed him, tired to the bone, back to the barracks. That night, she slept like one of the dead.

The following week was hard. She practically slept in her uniform, too exhausted from the constant practice to change out of it most days. Then came Saturday. She woke up with dawn, as she'd been forced to the other days. Grumbling sleepily, she walked out into the sunlight. To her surprise, the barracks that were usually so bustling with life were completely dead. Then she saw a bush of spiky silver hair sticking out behind a tree.

"Uhm, Hitsugaya-taichou… where is everyone?" She hadn't spoken to him since that first evening and, though it was kind of tiresome that he didn't remember her, she was determined not to let that ruin her time here. He turned around, dark emerald eyes catching hers with an unemotional gaze.

"It's Saturday," he said, as if that explained everything. When he saw that it didn't, he continued. "The on-duty guard is smaller on the weekends and there is only short lunch-time training. Rangiku has been planning some outing."

"Oh. Right…" she was lost at first, but then she realised what it meant for her personal training. "Hell no, I don't have the time to sit around." Unsheathing her zanpaktou, she began going through the moves she'd learned during the week. Matsumoto-fukutaichou, who insisted that Karin called her Rangiku, wasn't a bad teacher, but she had also sternly made it clear that these were the basics. All warriors developed a bit of an own "style" sooner or later, kind of like a dialect of sword fighting.

"You're too tense." The comment disturbed her focus and she had to stop for a moment before starting over and trying to relax. It was harder than she could've imagined.

"I said relax. You're tensing up even more."

"I'm _trying_!" Silently focused, she relaxed one muscle after another, working toward harmony with the movement. Time flowed patiently, undisturbed until…

"It's Saturday, you don't need to practice!" Rangiku's arm was suddenly around her shoulder, pulling her into a busty hug and dragging her back toward the door. "I've got a wonderful picnic planned!" She smiled, closing the door behind them as Karin obediently sheathed her sword. "Your brother promised to come."

"Ichi-nii did? Alright, then." Partly because Rangiku was a good and demanding teacher and partly because the woman was not one to be gainsaid, Karin played along. Carrying stuff to an oversized boat in the middle of nowhere, she found herself silently wanting to ask if they were going to feed six or sixteen people. Almost as soon as the two of them were done loading the boat, Ichigo and Rukia came wandering toward them.

"Ichi-nii! Rukia!" Yuzu would have hugged him. Dad would have attacked him and made a fool of everyone. Karin just stood there, smiling at them. "We're ready to go." Toushirou appeared just a couple of minutes later, but they sat talking in the boat for quite a while before Renji came wandering.

"Renji, hurry up you punk," Rangiku called at him, Karin couldn't help but smile and wave at him. He reached the riverbank, whining about impatient women, but the way he settled by Karin and smiled and winked at her took all the edge out of it.

"Renji." Ichigo's voice was a bit protective and Renji straightened, making Toushirou frown just a little, but enough that she'd catch it. She still hadn't told him she was Ichigo's sister and by some strange miracle, no one else had either. Better hurry the picnic along, before something embarrassing happened. Rangiku beat her to it, fortunately.

"Let's go then, now that we're all here." Karin and Toushirou both stayed out of most of the conversation, even when someone tried to involve them. Fortunately, they got across to the landing spot without anyone spilling the beans, but she would have to tell Toushirou her real name sooner or later. After the trip, she promised herself. Then it would hopefully be less… uncomfortable. The world was reduced to unpacking picnic baskets for a while, until Ichigo called to her.

"Hey, Karin! We'll be going to fetch some firewood, I'll be right back." She looked up at the two of them and smiled.

"Okay Ichi-nii!" For a moment all was well, but then she saw a pair of defensively crossed arms as she was helping Rangiku carry the blankets. Sighing, she put them down.

"Yuzu is my twin sister," she said, keeping her pounding heart tightly under wraps.

"Why?"

"You didn't recognise me anyway. I don't know." That made him frown. "I love Ichi-nii, but I want to be more than 'Kurosaki's sister'."

"Recognise you?"

"It's nothing." She shrugged. It wasn't nothing, but… "You saved a soccer game for my team some years ago in the Real World. Kinda foolish to think you'd remember." His frown deepened, but he didn't say anything to her for the rest of the picnic. At least she didn't have to hide any longer, even if she felt sorry that he wasn't talking to her, he hadn't talked much before either. She had a really good time and found herself finally returned to the other side, saying goodbye to her brother and Rukia; when Rangiku suddenly suggested they go to a pub. Karin could have withstood Rangiku alone, but Renji joined in the convincing and though Ichigo and Rukia managed to sneak away, the two more silent of the party had little chance to object.

It was interesting to study Seireitei, but Karin looked doubtfully at the drink Rangiku placed in front of her. She wasn't used to pubing. Sipping it carefully, she looked even less enthusiastic. Looking up at Rangiku and Renji, who were already happily downing theirs, she felt a bit out of place. Even Toushirou was drinking, if a bit less than the other two. When urging her on didn't help, Rangiku decisively ordered in something new and took Karin's drink for herself. The second one actually tasted rather good, so she wasn't hard to convince when Rangiku suggested a drinking game. At first, the fukutaichou tried to make it a contest, but with both Karin and Toushirou decisively against it, game was second best. Since Karin wasn't too opposed to that, she only had to seriously convince her taichou, and she'd spent a long time learning how to do that. At first Karin tried to get to grips with the rules, but they seemed to be as incomprehensible as Renji, who drank all the time no matter who actually lost that round. Soon it didn't matter. She wasn't used to drink and the whole world was spinning after half an hour.

"I don't know, really, I wasn't sure I wanted to be me just then," she explained blurrily to Toushirou, who just nodded. "Ugh. I feel like I'm saying stupid things," she continued, "I had probably better get back before I say more… dumb things…" _I'm talking way too much and I'm surprised they're not all laughing at me already_, her brain reminded her in a lucid moment as she tried to stand up. It was a bit wobbly, but she managed to walk a bit on unsteady feet, by holding onto the table. Leaning heavily on Toushirou's shoulder where he sat closest to the door, she managed to turn to the other two.

"Thanks for today, Rangiku." Only then did she realise that Rangiku and Renji were both fast asleep on the table. "Right. I'm _so_ not doing this again," she reminded herself. "I haven't got a clue what I'm doing. And I'm way too honest."

"Yes." It was the first word Toushirou had said directly to her since he'd discovered who she was. Or that she wasn't who he'd thought she was, rather. "I wasn't going to say that, but yes, you are. Come. Rangiku and Renji are well known here, they'll be fine." She had to steady herself on the wall while he rose. Why wasn't he having trouble staying steady?

"Right," she sighed, concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other without falling down. It was good that this place wasn't far from the tenth division barracks, she could see the light over the gates as they walked along its wall.

"How many glasses did you have, Karin?" he asked, concerned.

"Three… I think. Four, maybe?"

"How many did _I _have," he pondered, like an afterthought.

"Seven," she said decisively. "I was watching you." _I shouldn't have said that_, her brain reminded her. Fortunately, he was thoughtfully silent as they stumbled through a back door into the small garden and up toward the end of the barracks where she slept. There was some irregular snoring, but otherwise everything was wrapped in a complete silence that suited her just fine.

"Thanks," she said quietly as they reached her door and he opened it for her. She practically fell in, but managed to steady herself with the help of a wall. Then, he was there, so close she could feel the alcohol on his breath.

"Watching me? With what intent?"

"None, really," she said simply, "I just like to watch you. You should smile more often." And he did just that, a lazy, lopsided smile.

"Your brother is going to _kill_ me," he stated calmly, putting a hand behind her head and moving closer. She couldn't move an inch, paralyzed by his presence, his eyes. Her breathing was heavy and her mouth half open as his lips descended on hers. It was alien and wonderful. She'd never been interested in anyone before, but then again she'd never been high on drink and none of the boys around her had ever been Hitsugaya Toushirou. His lips, searching on hers, were so soft. His hands, one on the wall beside her and one in her hair, as well as his muscular arms, hardened with the combat experience of a captain… still, nothing captured her attention more than his dark, emerald eyes. They were a bit hazy now, but burning with a fire she'd known he had, even though he usually didn't let it show. Then, the magic failed and he backed a few steps from her.

"What am I doing?" he mumbled apprehensively. She took a step after him, a frown of concern on her face. _I shouldn't have done that,_ she realised instantly,_ I'm way too unsteady to stand up straight_, she thought, taking another stumbling step before she felt herself falling. Then he was there, but too late to stop the fall, so they tumbled to the floor in a heap. He sighed, trying to untangle himself from her.

"You were so serious as a kid, Kurosaki. I wasn't going to come that day, but something told me you weren't just going to give up. What is it with you Kurosakis?" That made her look away. Her hair had grown a little bit longer, but she'd kept it fairly short and as she turned it was falling in her face. Intoxicated, and feeling worried about getting so emotional, he pulled a rogue strand from her cheek. The look she gave him was dulled, but still powerful.

"This was why I didn't tell you who I was. I don't want to be just 'a Kurosaki'. I want to be 'Karin'." He took her in for a moment, caressing her cheek with his free hand.

"Karin," he breathed. "You don't have to be anymore than that." Then, he carefully rose, turning the finest of compliments into just words. Just like when she got lost on her first day here, he extended a hand for her, but she ignored it and forced herself back to her feet on her own. When she was finally standing, she saw a slight smile on his lips. Then, just like that, it disappeared. Replaced by his usual stony demeanour.

"Toushirou…"

"I'll let you have your room in peace now; I think I need to sleep." She frowned. Could he do that? Apparently. But why? Without as much as a "goodnight" passing between them, he closed the door behind him and was gone. Though she didn't want others to define her just because of her family, she was at that moment very happy to be a Kurosaki. Stubbornly refusing to accept that she was disappointed, Karin quickly prepared for bed. Then she lay there, trying to ignore the fact that she could still feel where his lips had touched hers. Even though she was dead tired, it took a long time before she could fall asleep.

Three months went by, during which Karin grimly ignored her first kiss and focused solely on her training. Rangiku seemed more commanding than ever, but was always the same sweet, strange, determined woman once training was over. Karin and Toushirou avoided each other skilfully and only spoke when it was absolutely necessary. There was really no need to put herself in such a painful situation again and he seemed to share the sentiment. When they did have to speak to each other they kept it short and formal. Karin made other friends and when she wasn't training or spending time with the other shinigami in "her division" she was out with Ichigo, Renji and Rukia and sometimes one or another of their friends. Once she was focused again, time flew past until she found it had all suddenly gone by. The night before her scheduled departure was hard on her. Her friends in the division had thrown a party for her at a local pub, but it had gotten so emotional she'd left after a while, knowing they would party on without her. Once, she would have been sad about such a thing, but now she could appreciate it. She had debated whether to say goodbye to Toushirou or not. On the one hand, it would be the polite thing to do, on the other, she really didn't want to try her defences more than necessary. Finally, she had given in to common decency and headed for the taichou's and fukutaichou's office. As she approached, she could hear their voices, only slightly raised.

"…know you haven't been that close, but you're her _taichou_, she won't be around for much longer…" The voice of Hitsugaya sharply cut of Matsumoto's.

"I have nothing to say to her. She's just a visitor, I knew that already."

"But she'll be…"

"Don't push me, Rangiku. When Kurosaki goes back where she belongs, it'll be better for all of us. This isn't her home." Karin couldn't help but draw in a sharp breath at that. Was _that_ what he thought, now? Then staying away from him had been a good decision. Turning on her heel, she walked away with tears she couldn't stop burning in her eyes. She could hear the door open behind her, but there was no point in staying any longer. She'd go to bed and then, in the morning… she'd go back _where she belonged_.

There were steps outside the door, but they were heading away. A dark suspicion awoke in Toushirou's mind and apparently the same thought occurred to Rangiku. She moved up to the door and opened it, looking out into the night.

"Oh, _now_ you've done it," she sighed.

"So?" he challenged, burying the sting of pain at the thought that he had caused her more of the same. "She's not one of us. She will never be. Now drop it." He couldn't let a human into his life like that. Especially not Kurosaki Karin. Rangiku was glaring at him, but respected his order. He'd have to go say goodbye when she went through the senkai gate, but until then… it was best if they continued as before. Sighing, he bent back over his paperwork. Stupid, meaningless paperwork.


	2. Chapter 2

Waking up the next morning, Toushirou realised that he had fallen asleep at his desk. Oh well, it was Saturday. Maybe Rangiku had arranged something… even if he wouldn't speak to her, he still enjoyed watching Karin when she wasn't aware she was being watched. It was like a siren song, he knew it was bad for him but he still couldn't quite resist it. At least she never knew. He would have some memories of her; and soon that would be all he had. Just after he'd awoken, Rangiku came in the door looking unusually serious.

"Anything planned for today?" he wondered, trying to keep the hope out of his voice. She looked up at him.

"Well, I doubt Ichigo would come along, he's locked himself up with his work. Renji is probably drinking by now. I was thinking of joining him. It's going to be empty without Karin, she's been here so long. Now I have to go back to spending my days on paperwork, too," she complained. Toushirou frowned.

"She's gone?"

"She went through the senkai gate an hour ago, I was going to tell you yesterday, but you were being unusually stubborn." Toushirou found himself staring at empty air. She hadn't even come to say goodbye. Then he remembered the evening before. He steeled himself. It was better this way. She was a human and he had his duties as shinigami, and as taichou, to consider. They didn't belong to the same world.

"I'll be out for a while," he said coldly as he stood and headed for the door, completely missing the frown of worry on Rangiku's face.

Toushirou had felt at ease in the wilderness that took up a small part of Seireitei ever since he came to Tenth as fukutaichou a long time ago, but now his favourite spot was haunted by memories. She had been so… so like her brother, in many ways. Unstoppable, unafraid, independent. He did remember the first time he met her. She'd been a child, a girl of ten or so, stubbornly refusing to give up, even when she was obviously outnumbered, overpowered and even hurt. What had been impressive in the girl was obvious in the woman when she was training. When she had fallen down the slope just here he had offered to help, but she had been reluctant to accept until her friends' worry came into the picture. She had lied to him, he had no idea why, and she had succeeded in capturing his attention that first day. Not that he'd tell her. Now that he had finally conquered this, there was no point in that.

For a full year, he managed to ignore the stubborn ache in his chest that came and went. For a while, he even managed to hide it from Rangiku. Once she realised he was hurting she kept bugging him about it, but he never answered. He didn't have an answer, really, except that he knew it was somehow related to _her_. Kurosaki Karin, who had come and gone. It lessened too, with time, as he gradually forgot about her. So he was happy, or at least acceptably contented, with his life the day he was called to see Captain-Commander Yamamoto. As soon as he'd entered the room, the old man got down to business as usual.

"It has been a year since the Kurosaki girl was here," he stated, making Hitsugaya frown. Why was be bringing this up now? "I need someone to evaluate her progress."

"Why not Kurosaki Ichigo?" Hitsugaya suggested instinctively, knowing full well what the Captain-Commander was trying to say. Playing dumb just wasn't worth it, but he _really_ didn't want to see her again. That could be all kinds of complicated.

"I need an objective person and as a sibling, he cannot be allowed to do it."

"Rangiku would love the Real World. Or one of the shinigami from my division could go." Surely, they would rather send a fukutaichou or a regular shinigami than a taichou.

"As far as I know, Matsumoto Rangiku is not very objective concerning this girl," the old man said, obviously not pleased that his order was being questioned. "And if her reiatsu has grown… then even your third seat would be hard pressed if she turned on us. If she shows any sign of that, she must be eliminated decisively. As taichou of her former instructor, you have been chosen. You will have some reconnaissance to do as well, so it is better if you are well prepared." Hitsugaya left the Captain-Commander's office in a gloomy mood, heading for his own. There were a lot of things to take care of, and he had a week to prepare. It was a very small comfort that he would be leaving Rangiku with the paperwork. He did care for her; she had been like a mother to him after they first met at the Academy. Kurosaki on the other hand… he didn't want to dig up those feelings, acknowledging them would only lead to trouble. Sighing, he tried to focus on his mission, but Yamamoto's words still repeated themselves like a broken record in his head: "If she shows any sign of turning on us, she must be eliminated…" "…must be eliminated…" Could he do that? He wasn't sure. He could've used that as an excuse for not going, but it was far from easy to argue with the Captain-Commander, especially for one who had been taichou for less than half a century.

A week later he stood silently, looking outwardly indifferent at the senkai gate opening. Rangiku had sent him along with a busty hug and a shopping list. Just like her. He was scheduled to stay no less than two weeks and no more than four in the Real World. It was annoying really, he had just managed to forget… maybe not completely, but the reminders had been less frequent. And now he had to remind himself, because Soul Society felt someone with greater reiatsu needed to check up on her. He said his goodbyes to Momo, who had come to see him off, and then stepped through the gate into the rainy Karakura Town evening. He did kind of need a place to stay, but he'd figure something out. For now, he would check up on her, they'd said she was living with her family for a while. After that… he'd have to go to Urahara's and reclaim his Gigai. At least she had learned to control her reiatsu while in the soul society, he couldn't feel it more than just vaguely. It had been almost ten years since he'd visited the Kurosaki family's house and he'd only seen Ichigo at that time. Luckily, he saw her through the first window he looked at. It seemed to be her bedroom and she was just leaving it when he found it. Feeling a need to make himself known, he snuck in through the window as she was gone and settled on a chair. This would not be easy. Sighing to himself, he waited.

He wasn't sure how long he'd waited when the door opened and Karin walked in, looking over her shoulder, away from him. He thanked his lucky stars for that, since she was dressed in a bathrobe, her hair pulled up in a shower-soaked bun. She looked glorious, but he would rather not think about that right now.

"I'll be right down and have dinner, Yuzu, I promise!" Her inattention gave him the time he needed to look as if he hadn't seen her at all, staring coldly at the far wall. He would just… his train of thought was interrupted by her shocked scream. So she'd seen him. She seemed to be trying to pull the bathrobe twice around her body and was glaring furiously at him. They heard a voice from down the hall and she turned quickly to the door.

"I'm sorry, a box came loose and fell down. Don't worry, I'm fine." Then she whirled around and let her eyes burn their way into his. She was beautiful in such fury.

"I'm sorry about…" he didn't even get to finish his apology, she merely pointed at the window and hissed angrily at him.

"Out. Get out. Now."

"But Karin, I…"

"_Out_," she repeated stubbornly.

"I'm only here because…"

"_OUT!_" It was amazing how much anger she could pour into a word that wouldn't be heard more than a few yards. He rose silently.

"I'll be back then," he stated, his equilibrium somewhat thrown by her intense anger. Well outside, he looked back at her, frowning. She kept staring angrily at him.

"Don't bother," she snarled, pulling the window down with a bang and then pulling the curtains completely shut. He sighed. How was he going to fulfil his mission if she wouldn't even see him? He retreated, darkly undeterred, in the direction of Urahara's shop. He would have to try a different approach in the morning.

In the middle of the night Hitsugaya was awoken by a beep on his receiver. A hollow? Or arrancar? With shunpo it wouldn't be too far. The town was dark and seemed so peaceful, but the inhabitants were merely human and would have all been swallowed by the hollow if the shinigami hadn't been there to protect them. But Kurosaki Karin was "merely human", too. As was her brother. There were more quiet beeps from his receiver as he closed in on the target, but some of the earlier ones had started disappearing. So someone, at least, was exterminating them. He chose to aim for a rooftop that should afford him a good view of the battlefield. It was never good to go in unprepared, especially not with another shinigami around. Settling in the dark shadow of the chimney, he was a bit surprised. She fought well, whirling from hollow to arrancar and back again. Her technique was still unpolished, but it had a raw strength to it and there was some undeniable skill considering her age. Well, she was outnumbered by far so, even though she seemed to manage, he decided to lend a hand. She wouldn't thank him for it, but that wasn't the point.

"Souten ni zase, Hyorinmaru!" The ice dragon came soaring down into the slowly growing crowd of hollows. He felt her reiatsu fluctuate for just a moment before she had it under control again. She _had_ grown stronger. That was the only sign that she had noticed Hyorinmaru at all until she cleansed the last hollow as it threw itself at her. They had behaved a bit strangely, but then, since Aizen some hollows were a bit different.

"I told you to stay _away_," she shouted. Her anger was tinged with something else, now… something deeper. He stepped out of the shadow he had been standing in and jumped down to street-level to face her. Was that… tears? Glittering just at the edges of her eyes?

"I can't do that, Kurosaki. I'm sorry if…"

"_Sorry?_" She was good at interrupting. "You can take your 'sorry' to someone who cares!" She turned on her heel and started walking back toward the clinic. He could have rushed after her like a stray dog, but decided instead to use a single shunpo-step to put himself straight in her way.

"Why are you being so _stubborn_? I'm _trying_ to give you a good evaluation so that the Captain-Commander doesn't decide that I need to _kill_ you!" Even when he had planned on begin calm and collected she threw him completely off balance with no effort at all. He wasn't prepared; he had never experienced such lack of control before. She stared at him first, he couldn't decide if she was scared or merely shocked. Then, she was definitely disgusted.

"And you'd do it? Soul Society first and people later, I've heard Ichi-nii complain about that." Did she think he was a monster?! He let go of her.

"No," he said quietly as she walked off, making her stop just a moment. "I don't think I could, but they'd send someone who is unrelated to you. Byakuya. Kenpachi. Please… Karin."

"Leave me alone." There was something about her voice that worried him. Something in the way she talked reminded him of Momo, in that instance of madness she'd had after Aizen faked his death.

"I told you. I can't." It was simple, but that only seemed to infuriate her. For a moment, she stood seething with anger, then she slowly turned.

"Right. Your job. Come by my place tomorrow afternoon. And _don't_ come through the window." She started turning away again, only to stop halfway and growl over her shoulder; "Just don't think this changes anything." He sighed and nodded. At least, he would be able to do his job. He knew he had hurt her feelings before she left for the Real World, but that had been a year ago. For her to still be this irrationally angry… he didn't quite understand why. Then again, she still had the power to shake up his world, maybe the two had the same source. More tired from arguing with Karin than from fighting the hollows, he walked back to the abandoned warehouse he'd used as refuge for the night. No point in hurrying when there was nothing to hurry to.

So the next day he visited Urahara Kisuke to get his Gigai. The man was unashamed as always, but then he had been a taichou once… and that was before Hitsugaya himself was born. Hitsugaya had forgotten how strange clothes they wore in the Real World. The jeans, white shirt and leather jacket that Urahara had insisted on all fit him much too tightly for comfort, compared to the shihakushouwas and haori he usually wore. He found himself stared at, which wasn't too unusual, but what made him uncomfortable about it was that he recognised most of those glances. Rangiku used them on men she was interested in; he had seen it too many times to mistake it for anything else. That was a bit scary. He had never been interested in… _that's not true_, his memory chided him. He wasn't completely at ease with remembering that evening, though. He had been drunk and after that incident he knew better than to let Rangiku trick him into drinking that much again. Knocking on the Kurosaki Clinic's door at five, he was greeted by a young woman.

"Karin asked me to drop by," he explained, keeping his mask of indifference. The fair-haired girl smiled brightly and turned around.

"Karin-chan! You have a guest!"

"I'll be right there, Yuzu. Just let him in." Yuzu. That was what Karin had called herself when they first met in Soul Society.

"Would you like some tea?" Apparently, Karin's twin was rather unlike the other two siblings.

"No thank you, I'm not sure how long I'll be staying." Then, Karin appeared in the kitchen doorway, dressed in shorts, a loose T-shirt and a baseball cap.

"If I'd known you'd be that easy to convince I'd told you to stay away," she grumbled.

"Karin!" Yuzu looked almost on the verge of crying over with her sister's manners and Karin actually blushed a little, hugging her twin tightly as she passed.

"I'm sorry. I'll be back after practice." Toushirou quickly backed out through the door, somehow he didn't think Karin would stop before running him over, no matter how much she apologised to her sister. Yuzu seemed to be a bit like Momo; too nice for her own good.

The first part of the walk, they stayed side by side in silence, then Karin broke it with a sigh.

"What do you want? Is there anything I can do to get you to leave me alone?" He shook his head. During the ten minutes it took them to walk to the field, they hardly spoke at all, Both being less than talkative in general and Karin preferred to act as if Hitsugaya wasn't even there, until they reached their destination.

"Do you mind if I stay?" he asked. She looked at him for a moment, as if weighing the good against the bad in his request, then shrugged in a less than helpful manner. Watching her discreetly as she studied the field, he actually caught a smile.

"It's good today. Not too wet, not too dry." Then she frowned discontentedly. Following her gaze, Toushirou saw a group of six girls in strange, pink dresses coming around the corner.

"Cheerleaders. Great." The apparent leader split off from the group and headed their way. She was a tall, fair-skinned, busty girl with long, raven hair.

"Kurosaki, what have _you_ picked up? Did you pay him? I can't imagine such hot stuff would even look at you otherwise."

"Hanato," Karin greeted coldly, but ignored the comments. Toushirou was rather taken aback by the exchange, something that didn't escape Hanato.

"Oh, poor you. To be stuck with such a flat-chested nobody." That made Karin smirk evilly.

"Be my guest, Hanato, he's all yours. He's no good with pressure." The last part was aimed at him, Toushirou realised. Somehow, the finer points of this conversation passed him by. What had she meant by that? Then something wrapped itself around him and he looked down on the little doll that had snuck in under his arm, obviously pressing her breasts against him. He couldn't help but frown at Karin's apparent amusement.

"I can see how _Rangiku_ would find this hilarious, but…" he growled, making Karin burst into gales of laughter. That softened his frown a bit. He hadn't seen her as much as smile, much less laugh, around him since that blasted night when he'd broken every rule in the book. Then someone called her attention from the middle of the field.

"Yo, Kurosaki! Let's go!" She nodded and ran, without even looking back. Toushirou carefully pushed Hanato aside and settled on a bench.

"Come on," said the cheerleader, now clearly moping, "Kurosaki has _nothing_ worth pursuing." The girl settled much too close. He turned around and slammed a hand into the wall. Even if he couldn't see that he had reason to get upset on Karin's behalf, the brat was taking things too far.

"She is strong and brave. Even if she wasn't beautiful, she would still have my respect." Beautiful? That hadn't been what he intended to say. His threatening gesture was supposed to make the foolish woman afraid enough to leave him alone. Unfortunately, she merely winked at him.

"I like a man who can be loyal, but to defend such an ugly duckling…" she let one of her hands rest on his arm, "that just isn't fair to you, when you could have someone so much _better_." How did you deal with someone who refused to see the truth? Rangiku would have known how to handle it, but this time he couldn't depend on his fukutaichou.

"Hanato," one of the other girls piped up. He threw up his hands in disgust and settled a bit further away while she was distracted.

"_Yes_?" The cheerleader turned an icy glare on her supporter. "Why are you bothering me?" _Charming young lady_, Toushirou thought ironically.

"I think you're making the Kurosaki girl jealous. Maybe we shouldn't…" Toushirou glanced out at the field, ignoring their conversation. Jealous. Right. She hated his guts, for some reason. Still, she was half-turned toward them, looking upset. Then his view was blocked by that annoying girl, now settling on his knee, but still watching the field carefully.

"You're right," she said with a tone of voice that Toushirou didn't like. "So she didn't _really_ want to share you, let's see what she does when I take up on her offer." That was the last drop for Toushirou. He stood up so suddenly that the girl in his lap fell to the ground with an undignified yelp.

"_Enough_ already." He frowned. Hadn't he deserved to be treated as a grown man, after having spent so many years of his captaincy looking like an elementary student? His phone chose that moment to start beeping wildly. A quick look at it had him wondering if it was broken. It showed unusually high hollow activity all over town. What was this? There were too many to handle at once. It was strange. As he considered the best course of action, he felt a familiar surge of reiatsu moving his way. Reinforcements. Good timing. Looking out at the field, he didn't see Karin anywhere at first and froze, but he could still feel her reiatsu close by, suddenly fluctuating.Following that feeling, he found her lying in the grass with her arms protectively shielding her head.It took him a moment to remember that she'd been very sensitive to hollow reiatsu when he first met her. He picked her up as if she was no more than a child in his arms. He could feel Rangiku, Renji and Ichigo closing in even before he saw them coming around the corner of the gray building looming over the field.

"Let me down, if those hollows come you can't fight if you're carrying me." Apparently Karin had regained enough awareness to realise what was going on. Oh well. He helped her down and turned to the three that were just closing in.

"Toushirou. We thought we'd come visit," Ichigo greeted and received a tiny smile in return.

"That's Hitsugaya-senpai to you, Kurosaki." During the last few years, that had become a bit less serious. He didn't need to assert his authority as much anymore, but old habits died hard. "It seems we have work to do." The three nodded seriously.

"Hey Karin, you don't look too well. You should stay at home," Ichigo worried, making Karin grimace.

"No. I need to fight. And you're not my taichou, Ichi-nii."

"_Toushirou_," he pleaded. She didn't realise until too late that she had really served him that one. Hitsugaya looked surprised, but anything he was about to say was cut off.

"He's not my taichou anymore either, so stuff it. We need to get going." Renji and Rangiku seemed to be on her line of thinking and had already left their Gigai.

"Right, let's split. We can meet up at my place afterwards."

"Sure Kurosaki," Renji smirked, "just don't let the hollows eat you, you've gotten a bit rusty lately."

"Pah. Wait up, Karin!" Ichigo sped after his impatient sister.

"Hurry up, Ichi-nii!" Toushirou looked after the two retreating backs.

"Good to see you, Rangiku," he admitted.

"Aww, _taichou_!" He should have known she was going to suffocate him if he got soft.

"Stop hugging me, we have work to do!" There was no malice in his words and the other two shinigami just nodded and headed for the nearest hollow. They were everywhere, and multiplying. _Damn_. The Soul Society would be sending squads, but why would so many hollows show up at once? Nevermind that now, though. They'd fight.


	3. Chapter 3

It took them practically all afternoon to clean out the last of the arriving hollows, even though two squads arrived as backup half an hour after the alarm had gone off. As they made their way toward the Kurosaki house, Renji muttered pessimistically about Soul Society's reaction times. Toushirou was relieved to be back with Rangiku, that woman was at least always dependable, even though she had her… difficult moments.

"You're looking good, Hitsugaya," she said fondly, "the Real World must be a nice break from all the paperwork. Are you seeing anyone, yet?" He frowned. A nice break? _Yeah right, it's a real picnic_, he thought ironically. _I'm getting shouted at for no reason and humans are completely insane every last one of them_. Karin's unreasonable anger and the strange conclusion that those "cheerleader" girls had drawn from it… he couldn't understand how that mixed, but if it did… then this was more complicated than he had given it credit for. Sneaking into the Kurosaki house, he settled back. The two siblings were sitting silently on the bed, Karin hugging her brother tightly and Ichigo with his arm protectively around her shoulders.

"Toushirou." Ichigo's greeting made Karin stir, but just to bury deeper into her older brother's shirt. That seemed to surprise him, but he didn't comment, just held his arm tightly wrapped around her.

"Is she hurt?" Rangiku sounded a bit worried. It wasn't much, but Toushirou had worked with her for so long that he heard it without needing to listen very closely. There was a slight pause and that worried him more, he even felt that strange tightening in his chest.

"I don't know," Ichigo admitted, sounding miserable. That was ominous in itself. "I wasn't even there when it happened. I should have protected her." Karin straightened and turned, but she kept staring at the floor for a few moments. Hitsugaya couldn't see any serious scratches or scars, but physical trauma wasn't always the worst kind. He drew in breath sharply as she looked up at them. Her pretty dark eyes had turned… hollow golden.

"This is bad," he muttered.

"It couldn't have come at a worse time," Rangiku agreed. Karin simply went over to her desk and pulled a pair of sunglasses out of a drawer. Putting them on, she turned back.

"We need to figure this out," she voiced everybody's thoughts. "And just in case we don't… I think I need some serious training. I don't want to be unprepared if they send someone to take me out."

Karin's comment had dropped every jaw except Rangiku's. The older woman was just laughing. Ichigo recovered first, knowing how determined his little sister could be, but he still looked disturbed by the idea. Toushirou looked a bit more understanding and she herself knew that the idea had its merits.

"You _are_ strong enough to stand a chance," Toushirou agreed hesitantly, "but not without _bankai_, and you haven't even reached _shikai_ yet, have you?" She smirked at him. With neither Ichi-nii nor Rangiku to spar with, she had felt early on that even with the constant influx of hollows, she didn't get enough training. That was when she'd come to think of Urahara's shop. At first, she'd only assumed she could ask for advice and maybe be referred somewhere, but the longer she spent there the more she realised that Urahara himself was training her, even though he rarely even drew his blade. Sometimes they talked rather than practiced, but she found that she really appreciated her time there, no matter how they spent it. Then, one day in the middle of winter he had pushed her harder than usual; since it was Urahara that said a lot. She had probably almost died that day just from the exhaustion. She had been too ill to go to school the day after and Dad had actually rescheduled all his appointments, just so he could be with her. But that day, when she was at the very end of what she could take, someone had spoken inside her head. _Are you ready to listen now?_ It had been confusing, but Ichi-nii had told her a bit about his relation to Zangetsu, so she had been willing to give it a try. That day, she'd found him. Unsheathing her zanpaktou carefully, she whispered:

"Soar, Tennou." A transparent ball of light, about the size of a football, shimmered to life in the air in front of her, her standard-issue zanpaktou shrinking to an unadorned baton in her hand. Though the depths of the sphere shimmered in all the colors of the rainbow, the edges were steadily shifting in shades of blue.

"Nice, you've come far in just a year," Renji congratulated her. Hitsugaya was less optimistic.

"It helps, but you've still got a long way to go. Come on, let's go to Urahara's, we're going to need his help." The group left the building all determined, leaving behind an empty room and the father who had listened by the door.

A week later, they still hadn't figured out what had changed the colour of Karin's eyes so strangely. She was lucky Dad was eccentric enough to accept her sudden love of shades as merely a quirk. Yuzu was a bit harder to convince, but with Ichigo acting as if he didn't see the problem, Yuzu didn't want to disturb the peace that settled in the family now that they were finally together again for a while. They had contacted Rukia in Soul Society and asked her to research the topic, but so far it had been fruitless. Karin had tried to remember what had happened, but she seemed to have temporary amnesia between fighting the last hollows and waking up in Ichigo's arms on the way home. She spent endless hours discussing the problem with the three visiting shinigami. Ichigo usually helped out in the clinic during that time, since it seemed to make him feel useless. Renji had to go back early, but Rangiku and Hitsugaya stayed a bit longer. Karin secretly suspected that Rangiku stayed partly because of the shopping, but she was thankful for the older woman's presence while it lasted. At least it kept Toushirou on his toes. At first after the incident, she was too wrapped up in discussions and training to remember how angry she was supposed to be with him. Those first days were actually rather likeable, but as she got used to the pace, his presence disturbed her more and more. Finally, a week after he had arrived in the Real World, it culminated during a training session. Urahara and Rangiku had spent a few hours each instructing her that morning, but Rangiku had gone shopping and all the others living in the shop had joined Urahara on some of his usual mysterious business. Unfortunately, with Ichigo busy, that meant Hitsugaya was her only option for a live opponent

"_Concentrate_!" She was trying, but just being around him made all her feelings frustrating and complicated. She had learned better control of her shikai since they started training properly; that much was true. It was very flexible, with the baton acting as some sort of handle or remote-control. Moving it backwards in an arch, she called back the kidou sphere that was the physical manifestation of her shikai. Toushirou was still much faster than she was, his attacks were more powerful, his defence stronger… and he was distracting. _I'm nothing to him_. She kept repeating that to herself, but it only made her angry. She felt a tiny wave of reiatsu from behind and instinctively jumped away, only to have Hyorinmaru zoom past where she had just been standing and then turn his steely red gaze to her. She would have to stand her ground this time; she was getting too tired to dodge. With a swish of the handle, the kidou ball attached itself to the arm she held up and formed a shield-like barrier. Hopefully, he wouldn't break through. She was distracted for less than a fraction of a second, but it was clear enough for Toushirou to send Hyorinmaru flying at her. Fortunately, she had been prepared for something like that and held her shield high when the ice dragon crashed headfirst into it. The hit sent her flying through the underground room and crashing into one of the many rock formations. At the other end of the room, Toushirou looked annoyed.

"If you're not going to put up any resistance, there's no point in this."

"Hey, smartass, I'm trying to block your _bankai_ with my shikai," she spat at him. He just shook his head.

"That's what I meant. At your level, you don't stand a chance against Unohana, much less Byakuya or Kenpachi. Not when you're lacking both strength _and_ speed. Reiatsu isn't going to cover for you that easily." She swallowed hard. Her life might depend on if she could beat him or not. What made it even worse was that for three full hours, she hadn't managed to hit him even once. She was tired. It felt hopeless.

"Alright." She wouldn't give up. "Let's go."

"You're persistent, I'll have to give you that."

"So says the king of obstinate assholes. Bring it!" She would never admit it, but for the following five minutes Hyorinmaru played with her like she was a rag doll, throwing her from one location to the next while she could do nothing but hold up her pitiful shield and aim with her pitiful kidou ball. Finally, she cracked. Screaming at the top of her lungs, she focused all her resentment, not on Hyorinmaru but on his owner. The poor ice dragon only did what Toushirou told it to. She was blinded by pain, completely consumed by the rage that burned in her. Aware only of herself, her weapon and her target, she reached deep inside for the core of her fire and tried to somehow force it out as she kicked the ball with all the force that was left in her. As her foot hit it, she heard the sphere break and saw light in all the colours of the rainbow shimmer through the cracks before the entire world went black.

When she woke up, she had no idea how much time had passed. She was lying in a bed at Urahara's shop, that much was clear. Something had happened when she released all that anger, but _what_? She tried to sit up, but it hurt pretty bad. As she looked around she noticed a bush of white hair in the bed next to her. Why did he have to be here? She hated him with a vengeance. It was either that or suggest that she cared for him and she couldn't forget his games a year ago long enough to do that. Then the door was pushed open and Urahara Kisuke stood in the doorway, looking more serious than usual.

"So you're awake. I'm glad to see it. It's very hard to get answers from someone who is sleeping like the dead."

"What happened?" she whispered, not quite sure that she wanted to know the answer.

"I found you both seriously injured. Something very big ploughed through a lot of rock. You don't remember?"

"I was angry… and he was just taunting me. I don't know what happened. My zanpaktou broke. I don't remember any more than that, I think I fainted."

"Broke? Is it destroyed?" She hadn't even considered the fact that she might have done any permanent damage to Tennou, but somehow she just knew that her zanpaktou would respond just as usual if she tried it.

"No, I can feel him."

"Hm. Oh well, you must get some rest." Urahara smiled at her, but she saw it slip and turn brooding just as he turned and shut the door. Rest? Yeah right. Something was wrong, she couldn't rest. Ignoring the sharp, piercing pain in her stomach she managed to sit back up. It felt like her left arm had taken a good beating, too. She tried not to make a sound as she stood up, but she couldn't stop a low groan from escaping.

"You're injured. You shouldn't be getting up yet." Darn, apparently Hitsugaya wasn't out cold as she had supposed.

"I have to do something. You can lie there all you want, but I'm going." She could hear his frustrated sigh, but her focus was set on getting to the door. Then there was the ruffling of bedclothes behind her. Did he think he was coming along? She managed to turn slowly with some effort.. "You don't need to…" His head was bandaged. His chest and arms were, too. Even so, he stood there looking completely unaffected as he pulled on the shirt he'd borrowed from the shop owner. He was striking. She looked away; that kind of crap was beside the point. She opened the door, noticing Urahara and his odd little household sitting by the dining table. He tried, just like Hitsugaya, to make her go back to bed. _I know I'm supposed to, but I can't_, she thought, frustrated that no one would listen to her. When he sent Tessai to put her back in bed, she shook her head mentally. Oh no, she'd heard rumours about Urahara's resoluteness, but she would _not_ be stopped this time. Gliding under the giant's arm as he tried to grab her wasn't all that hard. It hurt, sure, and he had better reflexes than she'd thought he would, but she did manage to break into a run and get to the front door, only to be stopped by the shop owner himself, who suddenly just stood there, looking innocent.

"I can't let you go alone, and as everybody here seems rather busy…"

"She's coming with me," Hitsugaya said confidently from where he had watched the scene.

"Am not!" That was stupid; she could take care of herself.

"Are too, if you're so determined to pull something before it's completely healed."

"Ugh. So I have no choice _again_?" She muttered discontentedly to herself. Urahara seemed to consider this for a moment before stepping aside.

"I suppose if a _taichou_ of the Gotei 13 accompanies you, I can't say very much." There was a hint of amusement in his voice that made Hitsugaya twitch. It was a tiny revenge, but she had to smile at that. Her smile disappeared as quick as it had come once Toushirou reached her side though.

"Don't strain yourself, Hitsugaya," Urahara reminded him. "Maybe you two should think of sorting out your differences before the fighting starts." Then he turned and settled calmly at the breakfast table again. Karin looked doubtfully at Hitsugaya, but he seemed completely unaware of her as he opened the door and stepped out into the yard. Then he turned to her.

"Coming?" There wasn't much she could say about that.

They walked in silence for a few minutes, both unwilling to take say the first word. Urahara's comment spun around in her head. Sort out their differences? It didn't seem all that likely. Maybe they were too much alike. Even so, she had to know what had happened during her blackout. Apparently, whatever she had done had come through his defences. She decided not to beat around the bush.

"So what happened? I don't remember beating you up." He frowned at her.

"It's pretty serious. The change from your shikai was so drastic that I would have assumed you'd reached bankai. Only…" He trailed off, looking into the distance, clearly worried.

"Only what?"

"It's too soon. And I can't believe that _thing_ really came from your zanpaktou."

"What thing?" He was annoying. "Stop being cryptic." He looked pensively at her.

"You seriously didn't see it? That confirms that it was unnatural, a bankai disappears if its wielder is knocked unconscious." She was about to nag him some more when he drew in a deep breath and looked her seriously into her eyes. "Your shikai exploded and released an _arrancar_, Kurosaki. If I have to go back and report that, I have no doubts about what steps Soul Society will take to secure the balance." The look of surprise on her face was nothing to the fear overwhelming her mind.

"So I'm hollow-infested, somehow?" He shrugged. It looked cold, but she realised that he simply didn't have an answer. _If I can't get rid of this… would it be wrong of them to try and get rid of me? A strong fighter who might be controlled by a Hollow._

"We'll figure it out."

"I don't need you." She realised how crass that sounded as soon as the words left her lips, it was just instinctive defence against the pain. "Sorry," she mumbled. She couldn't bring herself to say anything more, but at least she had tried.

"Where had you planned on going?"

"Back home first, I want to talk to Ichi-nii." Somewhere inside her was a foreign, uncontrollable entity. That was… disturbing. She was walking so deep in thought that Hitsugaya had to call her back to reality several times and even so, she kept slipping back. In the end, she was almost run over at the last crossing and only the fact that he grabbed her and pulled her out of the way saved her.

"Ow!" She sent a grateful glance his way, but he had grabbed her wounded left arm. She could feel blood from the reopened wound trickle down her skin and muttered irritably. Trying to ignore it, since she couldn't do anything about it, they walked on. It wasn't that far. By the time she'd reached her door, though, there was a red pool staining her white T-shirt. She sighed, more job for Yuzu… she'd have to try and wash off the worst before she asked her sister to take care of it. Yuzu was master of the household anyway, she'd be offended if she wasn't allowed to handle it.

Unfortunately, her sigh made Toushirou glance her way and the stain wasn't exactly discreet.

"You're bleeding."

"I know. We're going to a clinic, you know."

"I suppose." Opening the door, Karin found her father sitting at the table. Oh well, if he'd see the bleeding anyway she might as well ask him for help.

"Dad, I cut myself, could you help me bandage it?" Her father jumped up, seemingly unable to decide if he should be deliriously happy to have her home or frantic that his little girl was injured. Then, his gaze settled on Hitsugaya and everything suddenly went very still as the two stared in disbelief at each other. It only took Isshin a moment to adapt and smirk gleefully at his daughter.

"It's not every day my Karin-chan brings home a pretty young man!" If her injury hadn't quite managed to distract her from her Hollow problem, that certainly did.

"What?! No! He's just a friend. Of Ichigo's."

"Of course. A friend of _Ichigo's_," her father winked at her, making her groan at being so blatantly misunderstood. "If you clean the wound, I'll go get some bandages. Why don't 'Ichigo's friend' help you out?" His hardly-disguised suggestions didn't exactly go down well with them. Hitsugaya looked shocked. Karin, being used to her father's foolishness, just sighed and shook her head.

"I'll be in the back room. You just wait here."

Left to his own devices, Hitsugaya stood watching the road outside the window. That had been… impossible. And still…

"So. Toushirou. Long time, no see." Karin's father came back into the room with his arms full of bandages. His voice was lowered, making Hitsugaya wonder how much Karin knew.

"Kurosaki-taichou." That made the man laugh.

"Not anymore. I chose my family and they don't know anything of my past. That's how I want to keep it," he warned. "I've already lost Ichigo to the Soul Society, and now almost Karin. I won't let anything happen to my girls." Hitsugaya nearly choked on that one.

"Then we have a problem. She has a Hollow internally somehow. It's not the same as Ichigo's crisis ten years ago, though. If we don't find a cure before I have to go back…" he let the words hang, knowing that the older man would understand the gravity of the situation. Isshin looked deeply troubled by that and was about to say something when they heard a clicking sound from the door behind them. The old man adapted effortlessly.

"I assume you have honourable intentions concerning my daughter?" That provoked the exact same reaction in unison from both youngsters;

"What?!"

"If you break my little girl's heart, I'm going to have to hurt you, just so you know."

"Come on, Daddy," Karin complained, rummaging around in the back room. "Why would I be interested in _him_, he's just a player anyway."

"Player?" her father said curiously. "Is that what you are, young man?" While Karin's back was still turned Hitsugaya sent Isshin a killing glare and resumed staring darkly out the window, not even dignifying the question with an answer. While he was looking away, Karin snuck out through the door, a towel wrapped carefully around her upper body like a toga, leaving the wound on her left arm exposed. Blood was still seeping from it, but only very little. Isshin frowned deeply when he saw the cut, reaching from her shoulder and almost all the way down to her elbow. It wasn't very deep or ugly anymore, but it still looked disconcerting.

"Oh, that is _terrible_! What would I do if we lost our little Karin-chan?" Blushing, she watched as he disinfected the wound carefully.

"I'm not so little anymore, Dad, I can take care of myself."

"You'll always be my little girl," he ruffled her hair, "no matter how many handsome young men you bring home."

"_Dad!_" Hitsugaya listened to the friendly father-daughter banter in silence. Honourable intentions? He had given up any thought of pursuing her in that way when he realised that it would only bring pain to both of them. Also, as a taichou, he didn't really need the distraction. He had to admit that she was a fighter; he could even admit that she impressed him on occasion, but she wasn't part of Soul Society. Even assuming they weren't torn apart by anything else, the stress of belonging to one world each… no, she had once given him a feeling and a memory that he could never repay her for. The only way he could respect her was to not tear her from her family and her world. _Does she really think I'm so worthless, or is it just self-defence? If she truly feels that way… is that why she's so mad? But it makes no sense…_

"Yo, Toushirou! What world have you gone off to?"

"Hm. What did you say?" He had only barely managed to hold back the reminder about his rank.

"Dad insists you stay for dinner. It would make Yuzu happy. And Ichigo, I suppose." The complete exclusion of her own opinion wasn't lost on him. He only wished that she'd stop emphasizing the blindingly obvious.

"Uhm, right." He wasn't sure why he'd said that, it would be better to stay away… but seeing his old taichou after so long did bring back memories and the time to sort things out with Karin was running out. Maybe it wasn't the worst decision he'd ever made. She was rather making a point of ignoring him as much as humanly possible without being outright rude again. He had this gnawing feeling that if he could only understand the motive for her anger, the rest would follow. Unfortunately, he didn't even know where to start.

He had thanked Kurosaki Yuzu courteously for dinner. She was definitely a better cook than Rangiku. They had been sitting around the kitchen table after the dishes had been washed; him, Karin and Ichigo. They had talked for a while, but when he had attempted to discuss the disaster of their earlier training session, Karin stopped him.

"It's something I need to take care of alone, Ichi-nii. Let's not worry about it." The two men looked speculatively at her, but refrained from questioning her motives… or at least, until Ichigo yawned and decided to turn in for the night. Karin stood to follow suit, but Hitsugaya wanted to make sure she was ok and if he couldn't do it with Ichigo around, he needed to discuss it with her alone.

"Karin, I would like to talk to you."

"Yeah?"

"You might not want to, but you need to work through what happened earlier." That made her sigh.

"I suppose I owe you one for earlier. Goodnight, Ichi-nii." Ichigo said a sleepy goodnight and they were all alone. Karin smirked unenthusiastically.

"Alone with you. Dad would have a field day. What did you want to discuss?"

"Your father has an interesting sense of humour," he agreed. "What were you planning on doing about the situation?"

"I told you, I'll take care of it."

"And I'm asking how."

"Who knows?" she growled at him. _This again?_

"_Why_ do I make you so ridiculously angry?"

"Does it matter? I can see why you'd want to know what I'll do, so you can report back properly."

"It matters," he said irritably, "because Urahara was right. We can't fight hollows if we're constantly fighting each other. Do you actually think I'm that rotten or are you just lashing out?" He could see the battle in her mind just by watching her face. Finally, humility beat pride, but only barely.

"Both," she hissed between clenched teeth. That made him a bit surprised. _Both. So she does at least partially think that… but…_

"I wouldn't make a very good taichou if I didn't serve the Soul Society; but _player_? What does it even mean?" She drew in a deep breath, obviously trying to calm herself or her nerves.

"It's someone who leads people on and then lets them down."

"I've let you down?" He arched a curious eyebrow in her direction.

"Yes dammit!" She jumped up from the chair and started pacing restlessly. "Why can't you just let it rest?"

"You're treating me like an enemy. From what Rangiku and your brother say; and what I remember, this anger isn't like you."

"Shut up. Don't act as if you care, I'll only believe you and then…" She stopped pacing, walked up so close that their eyes were just inches from each other. Then she pointed a finger accusingly at his chest. "You did that, made me believe you cared. Then you walked off like it was just a game. You… you…" There were tears in her eyes; he was too close not to notice. There was pain and frustration and suddenly it was so clear where the anger came from, but the source was something he couldn't do anything about.

"It was never a game. I shouldn't have started that to begin with. You're strong, but you're only…" _Though, if Kurosaki Isshin is her father, she's not "only human"_. "You belong in this world. My place is in Soul Society." That much was true, at least, but she only huffed at his explanation.

"If you don't realise yourself that you're just making stupid excuses, then I've overestimated you. I'm going to bed; I've got football training early tomorrow."

"Shouldn't you spend that time getting stronger?"

"Whatever." It was a bit cold of her, but he could understand it.

"I'll see you tomorrow then."

"Goodbye, Hitsugaya." As he walked back, the sad grimace on her face wouldn't leave him alone. Something wasn't right. And still, he had known all along that healing would take time.


	4. Chapter 4

The next morning, Hitsugaya woke before dawn. Not having anything else to do, he drifted aimlessly through the streets of Karakura Town for a while. It was fairly silent this early, with only a few shopkeepers out, taking care of their daily business. As time went on, more people started coming out and Toushirou wanted to avoid the company, pulling further and further away from the centre of town until he found himself walking past the football field. It was nearly empty and rather silent. _They must have finished already_. He was about to leave again when he noticed a familiar figure walking toward him. Isshin. The man looked less than happy.

"Hitsugaya. Is she here?" It was obvious who "she" was.

"No."

"She didn't come back from practice… and I can't feel her reiatsu."

"That's impossible, she can't…" but the old man was right, there wasn't a trace of it, even though he was usually very good at sensing reiatsu. Fear gripped him tightly. _Has she just left or is she... dead? I shouldn't have pushed her that far yesterday._

"Hi there!" He recognised the voice he'd heard a week ago and groaned inwardly. "Your girl's not here anymore." It was one of the cheerleaders, but luckily not the most annoying one. "Were you going to say goodbye?"

"Goodbye?" His question made her look surprised.

"Yeah, she said she was going out of town and didn't know when she could come to practice next. She left just fifteen minutes ago, if you hurry you might still catch up." Hitsugaya could hear a relieved noise from Isshin.

"Right," he mumbled. "Thank you."

"Her reiatsu disappeared at least half an hour ago," Isshin said in a low voice as they walked away. "Could it be the arrancar?"

"Well at least she's alive, then. I'll go talk to Urahara and see if he has any idea." Before they split, Isshin looked seriously at him.

"I have to go back to the clinic, I can't leave Yuzu-chan alone." Hitsugaya nodded. It wouldn't do any good to run around planlessly.

"I'll report back once I've talked to Urahara." That made Isshin smile.

"I told you, I'm not a taichou anymore, Hitsugaya-kun."

After saying goodbye to Isshin, Hitsugaya hurried back to Urahara's. If she had somehow willingly managed to hide her reiatsu, that was one thing, but if the Hollow had something to do with this, every moment was precious. He almost crashed in through the shop door, but managed to stop just in time to pull it up before continuing inside.

"My, my, aren't we in a rush?" That man was really a pain sometimes.

"Karin has disappeared, we can't sense her reiatsu." The shop keeper was suddenly very serious.

"The arrancar?" Hitsugaya shook his head a little.

"I doubt it, she said goodbye to her team before heading off. That doesn't sound like something it would waste time doing."

"And you couldn't sense her reiatsu enough to follow it… maybe she's just better at supressing it now?" Another headshake, this one more decisive.

"Too much, too suddenly. We couldn't feel anything at all." Urahara was silent for a moment after that revelation, then he turned around.

"Follow me, I might know how she's done it." The two headed into the darkness of the shop's storage area, the tiny lamp above hardly enough to light their way. Suddenly, he stopped in front of a stack of boxes, looking thoughtfully at the letters stacked on top of them.

"Well, what do you know!"

"What? Stop fooling around and tell me!" The tension was more than Hitsugaya really could cope with. She was on her own and every moment could be dangerous. It was strange, but he was actually truly afraid for her safety. It was too personal, he couldn't rationalise it anymore.

"I showed her some of my inventions last week," Urahara explained. "This morning she came by, asking for a refill of soul candy. Then… something happened and I had to go out into the store. She even left a note for me here." He waved a hastily written note in Toushirou's face.

_I'm sorry. I'll bring it back, somehow, but for now I can't pull the others into my business any more. You can see me as a test subject, if you like._

_Kurosaki K._

"I never even suspected," Urahara said, now obviously slightly amused by the situation. "She's so much like her brother. He would never even have thought of it. Running off, yes, but borrowing an experimental piece without asking? No."

"He's not that foolish. Does it just cloak reiatsu?"

"No, it's still in its experimental stage. I haven't entirely finished researching it. But I would call it brave, first. It's kidou-based and she has a very good affinity for kidou. I should have realised that she wasn't always the same as her brother when I discovered that. I suppose I'm getting old." As if it hadn't been bad that she was already in trouble. Was the woman suicidal? "This one's for you." Urahara held out a white envelope with "_Hitsugaya Toushirou_" written on the front.

"Why would she leave something for me?"

"Why don't you see for yourself?" After struggling a bit with the unfamiliar envelope, Toushirou managed to open it and out fell a piece of paper and a little hair pin he recognised as Matsumoto's.

_Toushirou,_

_I borrowed this from Rangiku, could you return it and thank her for me, please? I don't know how long it'll take me to fight this, but I realised while we were talking yesterday that I can't let myself hurt you anymore. Be safe, and give my best to my friends in the division._

_Karin_

"Well, she was obviously planning this," Urahara sighed. Unable to help himself, Toushirou shrugged indifferently.

"Who cares? We need to find her. I'm going."

"The piece she's using isn't quite perfect. It conceals the wearer's reiatsu for three hours, but requires a fifteen-minute recharge period in between. She might notice it and she might not, but that's your chance."

"Thank you Kisuke. Rangiku should come by later today, can you tell her where I'm gone?"

"Of course," the shop keeper hesitated for a moment, as if he wanted to say more, but then fell silent.

"Goodbye." Toushirou barely waited for Urahara to hand him the last two letters before he was hurrying out the door. Glancing at the envelopes, he noticed one for Ichigo and one for Isshin. _Kurosaki Karin_… _you are a strange woman. And if you think I'll let you face this alone, you don't know me very well._

The first thing Hitsugaya noticed about the Kurosaki family home when he arrived was the unbelievable ruckus its inhabitants were making. It took him a moment to realise that nothing life-threatening was afoot.

"Kurosakis," he muttered irritably as he knocked on the door. He had been hoping that Isshin would open the door, so that he could get going. And it was Isshin, in a way, but he was practically standing on his son for an ever so short moment before Ichigo retaliated and sent his father flying through the room.  
"Toushirou, good to see you."

"Hey Kurosaki. Lively place you have here." Then he snuck the letter discreetly to him. "From your sister," he mumbled, "you might want to go open it somewhere." With Ichigo taking the bait, Hitsugaya had a chance to deliver the second letter.

"Hm." Isshin Kurosaki was usually more verbal than that, but it wasn't so odd.

"I'll go now. It's been soon two hours since she activated the device that lets her hide her reiatsu. It's probably best if you stay here, if you don't want Karin to know about you."

"You'll make a good hero someday, 'Shiro-kun," Isshin joked.

"I would leave the heroics to you Kurosakis, but I'd get involved sooner or later anyway." The two looked at each other in silence for a moment.

"Well then, since I can't be the hero today…" Isshin scratched his beard and sighed. "Find my daughter for me, Hitsugaya. Bring Karin-chan back home."

He had promised to look for her. Toushirou wasn't half as prone to running off on heroic suicide-missions as Ichigo was, but Karin was a friend and he couldn't just leave her to her fate. Suddenly, his constant searching paid off. He could feel her reiatsu vaguely, somewhere off to the east. Shunpo-steps took him quickly closer to the source, past the last houses of the town and into a rather sizeable forest. He would never have found her if Urahara's device had been perfect. It wasn't a bad plan, in a way. Except for the part where she tried to execute it alone. His shunpo-steps took him ever closer to the source of her reiatsu, but the minutes ticked past and it was hardly an exact science. With five minutes to spare he had pinpointed her location to somewhere inside a rock face at the foot of a mountain. He needed to find the way in. After spending precious time searching for an opening, he found it well hidden behind some bushes and rocks. The cave entrance and the tunnel inside were small, but both were enough for him to slip through. Just a moment after he'd entered, he felt Karin's reiatsu fade away from his senses. _I hope that's just Urahara's device working again_, he worried. He rushed through the winding tunnel, it was impossible to use shunpo in such a cramped space. He turned a corner and stumbled on something lying on the floor. Feeling tense and way too vulnerable, he used his kidou to create more light. As his eyes fell on the thing he had stumbled on, his concentration fell short and his light flickered out of existence. No… _I was… too late?_ There was a silence echoing in his soul, much like what he'd felt when Momo had believed him a traitor, only stronger and more desperate. They weren't in Soul Society, there was no Unohana and Fourth Division to take care of Karin. Strengthening his resolve, he created light again, kneeling down beside the limp body. Brushing the hair out of her face, he watched her features for a moment as she lay there, cold and unresponsive. It felt like something broke inside him. He had watched comrades die, that was part of life for a shinigami, with the constant struggle against the Hollows. He had seen homes and families destroyed. Only once before had he felt this… this near-panic at the frailty of those around him. He had thought Momo dead, too, but she had come back through the Fourth Division's care. He didn't cry, but he wasn't unfeeling. Pulling a hand through her hair, he whispered:

"I'm sorry. I couldn't protect you." Through his own, heavy breathing he heard noise in the distance. The one who had killed her would most likely be there. He hadn't managed to save her, but he could avenge her. Taking only a moment to gaze upon her lifeless form, he promised to destroy whatever had taken away the soul from those eyes. _She looks so peaceful like this. Vulnerable. And I let her go._ For a short moment, he almost wished that her restless ghost had stayed, just so he could talk to her one last time before she had to go. Coldly ignoring that flight of fancy, he hurried toward the clanging of steel on steel. At least this, he could do. The tunnel slowly widened, ending in a cavernous space. In the middle of it stood the monster that had attacked him just the day before. The damnable arrancar that was the very reason she had died here. And it spoke.

"You may have learned to hide from me, but you must know by know how powerful I am," the arrancar hissed at a hidden opponent. "I read the fear in you. I chose you and brought a horde of worthless creep to their doom so that I could have you. I will not let you go."

"Oh, I think you will." She had hidden, that much was true. It had taken all her energy and concentration to separate herself from the parasite and fighting hadn't done her much good. Still, she needed to exterminate it, before it could try to latch on to her again. Stepping out of the shadow she had been hiding in, she faced it, desperately. "You see, I figured something out when I released you the first time in the training grounds."

"I know you think so, child," the arrancar said triumphantly. "I also know that you can't call for that much anger without a focus. Without that boy to inspire you, you will never reach it again. I will return to you and I will take him from your mind like you'd pick an apple from a tree. Next time you meet, I shall have burrowed deep into your soul and it will be amusing to watch you fight and kill each other."

"_Bankai!_" Both the arrancar and Karin stared incredulously at the far tunnel opening. "_Daiguren Hyorinmaru!_" The arrancar dodged the furious assault, but not quite fast enough. As the monster's left arm froze and shattered into a thousand small ice crystals, Karin suddenly felt as if her own was burning up. She cried out in pain, cradling her arm protectively, but it wouldn't stop hurting. The arrancar's mad laugh penetrated the burning, tearing sensation. Suddenly, Toushirou was by her side, his cool hand on her shoulder soothing the pain.

"Are you alright?" She could only nod. The frown on his face was even deeper than usual and he seemed unsettled.

"I'm fine, Toushirou. It's nothing."

"So you think," grinned the arrancar, "but I wasn't idle while I was in your body. Every nerve in you is connected to me. All the pain I feel, you will feel. So even if he kills me, you will die from the shock." She heard him draw in breath sharply, but even with adrenaline rushing into her body, she felt rather numb.

"So if I kill myself, you'll die too?" It was mostly a hypothetical question, but it was taken seriously.

"_NO!_" She wasn't sure if it was the Hollow or Toushirou that had cried out, but she knew that even though she couldn't actually kill herself, there was no way she'd leave _it_ alive. Using Tennou like a whip, she sent the sphere flying toward the charging arrancar. It hit with enough force to break bones and she lost all control over her right leg. She would have fallen, trying to balance in such a state, but Toushirou was there to steady her. As she fought to hold back any sound, she felt her eyes water from the pain.

"What do you think you're doing?!" Hitsugaya demanded angrily. Looking up at him, she felt her resolve return and smiled a little.

"I can't let it live. If you don't kill it, I will. Perhaps if I don't have to concentrate on fighting, I might have a greater chance of staying alive." For a moment he simply watched her, stunned speechless, before he gritted his teeth at the ultimatum.

"Just don't die on me."

"I won't. I'm a Kurosaki, remember?" Losing physical contact with him was trying. Once the arrancar was prepared for the attacks, it fought well. Almost disturbingly so. Several times it came close to hitting Toushirou and even though her entire body was aching with phantom pains, Karin couldn't pull her tear-clouded eyes from the battle. _I have to help him. He'll win, I'm sure, but I don't know how long I'll be able to stay conscious if he can't finish it off soon_. _I can do it… I know I can, I just have to find that focus; at least that monster was good for something… I know what I'm looking for now_. And, as if the madness in her head just quieted down, she watched Toushirou whirl like the devil himself, constantly pushing the arrancar, yet never actually harming it seriously. The truth was, she loved him dearly. He had made an impression that not even his cold-hearted behaviour a year ago could erase. Her chances of reaching bankai had everything and nothing to do with that. She could understand if her beloved brother had found the idea difficult to grasp, but at some point while the arrancar tried to take over her mind, she had been forced to give in to Tennou while she was still fighting the monster invading her soul. The paradox she had lived through then, as well as the time she had spent submitting to her zanpaktou made it easier to understand what was required of her. As she watched him, she felt something… something empowering. The arrancar was probably right; she would never have managed without using Toushirou as a catalyst. The bloodlust in her was a bit scary, but to reach that inner fire and still be in control she needed to acknowledge the killer instinct but not surrender to it. It was a fine line to walk, but she had to try.

"Bankai_._" No response. What the…? "Bankai!" She repeated herself, but the stirring at her core was all there was. She could feel it though, so if she could only reach past that fear, she could… "_BANKAI!_" The world turned blue… and exploded. From the shattered sphere rose a four-winged bird, as if reborn from an egg. It was engulfed in flames of all the colours of honey and fire. She knew its name. "_Charge, Shittennou!_" The phoenix screeched and shot like a ball of fire, not at the arrancar, but through the roof of the cavern, breaking the stone and crashing out into the sunlight. Fortunately, the element of surprise wasn't quite as lost. The pain in her head and chest as Toushirou split the arrancar with Hyorinmaru was more than her stressed-out mind could bear, tearing a piercing wail from her lips. Helpless, she felt her consciousness slipping. Before she fell into complete darkness, she felt his arms steady her, heard his voice speak her name. It would be alright.

"Thank you Toushirou," she mumbled softly, "I'll be fine." Then, as the feeling of being torn in two finally started to subside, she fell into a deep, restful sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

As she woke up, it was dark and silent. Toushirou had apparently taken her back to her body, but she was still in spirit form, leaning against his chest. With a sigh, she righted herself a little, but stayed in the protection of his embrace. As he started to pull back, she stopped him.

"Don't, please."

"Karin," he said miserably, "don't do this. We belong in different worlds."

"I know," she said softly, worming an arm around him. "It matters, but it's not enough."

"I can't leave Soul Society. To live separated like that wouldn't be fair to either of us. It's better…" A finger on his lips silenced him.

"Shh, I know. I'll miss Dad and Yuzu, but I needed to move out anyway. Yuzu will cry for ages, but she's stronger than she looks."

"Applicable to your entire family," Hitsugaya joked wearily.

"Yes… yes it is."

"But I won't pull you away from them like that." His voice gained a certainty that made her hit him hard in the chest. "Ow! Stop that!"

"Seriously! If you would stop trying to tell me what I should do and listen to me when I tell you what I'm _going to do_." Looking up, she found him looking rather surprised. Then he carefully turned her to face him, looking serious.

"You need to consider the consequences of that first. And you need to get home; your father and brother are worried."

"Oh, Dad won't be worried. I wrote that I've gone camping."

"You _what_?"

"Well hurry up, you were the one who said that we were going," she laughed, returning to her body and rising back up. He looked at her for a few long moments.

"I thought you were dead when I found your body. I must admit that it didn't occur to me that you'd have a combat pass."

"I'll remember that next time I need you to listen to me," Karin grinned. "Urahara gave it to me some months ago. I didn't think anyone would find me here." He simply shrugged.

"The reiatsu device had a fifteen-minute recharge time for every three hours of use."

"Hm." Lighting a tiny kidou sphere she took in the view of the tunnel. It wasn't too far out. "Last one out is a rotten egg," she called, laughing, breaking into a run for the light outside. Once she was out she spun around, stretching her arms toward the cloudy sky with a smile. At the same moment, he was behind her.

"Still slow, I see," he noticed with a sly smile.

"Hey! No cheating!" In that moment, he didn't even protest when she ran ahead. "Come on! They're worried, we have to hurry!"

"Really. You _have to_ learn shunpo soon," he complained, though still smiling a little.

"Can't you carry me, then? It'll be much quicker that way." He looked a little pained at the idea, but nodded, holding out his arm, but just as she was about to grab on, she noticed something moving toward them among the trees and froze, only to relax once she saw her brother and Rangiku.

"Taichou! You almost had me worried for a while there." Hitsugaya just grimaced at the comment, turning back to Karin.

"You go with your brother, we'll come by later." For a moment, she considered arguing with him, but it was getting late and she was tired, so she just nodded. Shunpo on her brother's back still wasn't comfortable, but at least she didn't have to hold down her stomach now, like the first time, when Toushirou had helped her in the forest while she was still new in Soul Society.

"Are you ok, Karin?" She smiled up at her brother. Ok? Well, she was dead tired, her entire body was still hurting with the aftermath of a battle she hadn't even been involved in, but…

"Yeah, I'm good Ichii-niisan. Toushirou got him for me."

"Don't run off. You can trust us to be there for you. We would all protect you." She nodded a little.

"I know, but I needed to deal with this on my own. If I'm going to prove to everyone that I'm good for something more than just being your little sister, then I have to prove it to myself first. I love you, Ichi-nii, but I don't want to _be_ you." There was a small pause after that, as the two siblings looked at each other for a few moments. Ichigo obviously didn't understand it all, but he seemed to get the message.

"I'm sure you'll do great, Karin."

"Thanks, Ichi-nii." Then, she smiled, looking positively wicked. "Will you help me persuade Toushirou-kun that I'd do well in Soul Society, then?"

"Toushirou's a bit stubborn. Why would you want to go there anyway?" Karin hadn't really expected that question. She knew she should have a good answer to that, but she felt a blush rising on her cheeks.

"Oh, who cares?" She turned around, trying to look unmoved, but well aware that it was pointless. "I just want to."

That evening, after Karin had gone to bed, the other three Shinigami gathered in Ichigo's room.

"Toushirou, I think something might be wrong with Karin. Did you notice anything strange?" Ichigo's worried question made Hitsugaya look at him seriously.

"No, she seemed fine. Why?"

"She wants to go to Soul Society. She wanted me to talk to you, but she won't tell me why and she got all touchy when I asked." Hitsugaya couldn't help but flash a stern warning eye at Rangiku. He should've known it would only make things worse. The silly woman just burst out laughing. He frowned at her before turning back to Ichigo.

"It's personal. I need to go back and make my report, I suppose the Captain-Commander would want to speak with her personally, too." To his annoyance, that just made Rangiku laugh harder.

"Stop that, Matsumoto," he warned. She did stop laughing, but it was obviously only with great effort.

"I'm just happy for you, taichou." Her effort at seeming innocent wasn't all that successful and Ichigo seemed to go into minor shock.

"What are…_?!_" He looked from Toushirou to Rangiku and back again. "Toushirou?"

"Don't assume anything, Kurosaki. I plan on taking her to see the old man, but that's as far as it goes." Though Ichigo still seemed to be in shock and Rangiku was pouting a bit, there were no more unexpected surprises waiting for Hitsugaya that night.

Three days later the two Kurosaki siblings had put back their things in all the right places and told their father they were leaving the following morning. Karin had been having trouble sleeping with all the things going round in her head, so it wasn't too surprising when her father found her silently stargazing and decided to interrupt it with his jokes. For once, she decided not to give tit for tat, but simply kept staring out the living room window thoughtfully.

"Daddy… I've been thinking a lot… when you and Mom got together, was there something strange about her?" The question seemed to take her father's jovial temper down a notch.

"Strange? She was different than all the others, 'Ka-san was special and always so happy! There wasn't anyone like her anywhere." Karin shook her head.

"No, I mean like… did she seem to be unfamiliar with little everyday things?" She turned. Dad looked a bit confused.

"No. Is something wrong with you or Ichigo? I know you're going away…"

"That's not it! Dad… there's something I've been meaning to tell you. I know Ichigo hasn't, he always cuts himself off and doesn't want to worry anyone, but I think you deserve to know." Suddenly, there was a strange glimpse in his eye that she'd never seen before. He obviously didn't want her to notice, because he hugged her impulsively.

"My little girl is growing up and moving away. It's that blonde gang kid, isn't it?" She sighed.

"No dad. Or, well, yeah, but that wasn't what I meant." She almost felt confused herself for a moment. "You can't tell Yuzu… but me and Ichigo… we're not really going to Hokkaido." It was so hard to admit that she'd lied to her father that the words were only a whisper, but for once he was silent and let her speak, only holding her tightly. "We're going to a place called Soul Society. I don't think it's in this world, even. I've been there once before; the three months I was gone last year. We'll be something called Shinigami. Ichi-nii is even a taichou there… I think Mom may have been one, it's too much of a coincidence that both of us can see spirits… and these things called _Hollows_, Dad. We have to protect everyone, since we're the only ones who can…" she was cut off as he let go and held her shoulders in his big hands at arm's length. There were tears in his eyes, but no laughter. Not anymore.

"I know, Karin-chan. I'm sorry I couldn't do more to keep you safe, but you can still change your mind. Whatever they've said, you don't have to go. I'll keep you safe. My big little girl." Her eyes widened.

"It wasn't Mom." That was suddenly so clear. He had known all along. She wasn't sure how she felt about that. He shook his head. She had never seen him this serious before, it was really disturbing.

"I left Seireitei to be with your Mom. I didn't want you to get involved with them, there's too much darkness behind the scenes there. Masaki was so special, it was like the whole world was brighter where she was… and she could see me. That was before Urahara had perfected the Gigai, so most Shinigami here in the Real World were in our spirit forms…" his voice weakened and trailed off.

"You know I'd love to stay, Dad," she whispered tearfully. Then, surprising even herself: "If I don't go, I'll never see him again. I just know it." Dad smiled down at her.

"'Shiro-kun is a good kid, but he does have some trust issues." She blushed a sudden, bright red at that. Her father grinned. "I'm not entirely unaware of my daughter's escapades. You've been doing well the last few weeks."

"I… 'Shiro-kun?" It was stupid, but her world was upside down.

"Hitsugaya-taichou."

"Right. Well… would you at least come see us off tomorrow?" Isshin thought about it for a moment before nodding just a little.

"I won't see you for so long. If that's what you want." No more words were needed. Karin knew her father and wouldn't push him further than that. It was enough that he'd be there when she left the Real World again. With one last tight hug, she went to her room and fell asleep feeling safe.

The following morning, Yuzu was pretty much in tears at the breakfast table. Karin promised to come visit her twin as often as possible, but she knew it couldn't be a lot. They held each other tightly for several minutes before Yuzu left, as if they could somehow keep a piece of each other close that way. Karin found herself staring at the door for a while, before turning to her father and brother. They needed to get going soon.

"Hurry up, you two." Just as she said that, there was a knock on the door. Outside waited Hitsugaya and Rangiku, just as expected. "Right, I just need to get these two moving and we can go," she told them, waving absently in the direction of the rest of her family. Of course, Ichigo desperately started waving his arms, trying to both stress that Isshin couldn't come along and be discreet at the same time. It was actually kind of funny to see him so upset, for a few moments.

"Don't get so upset, Ichi-nii, he knows." That had everyone staring at her for a few moments. Hitsugaya and Rangiku looked at each other, obviously not quite certain what to make of that.

"I would appreciate if you kept that out of your report, Hitsugaya-taichou," Isshin said with a smile. "I'm just going to see my daughter off, nothing more." Ichigo was still raging in the background, but Hitsugaya looked at them for a moment before shrugging.

"If that's what you want." It took a couple of minutes to calm down Ichigo, but finally the three Kurosakis entered their spirit forms.

"I understand why you like colours," Karin said jokingly to Isshin as they followed Hitsugaya and Rangiku out. It wasn't really all that far, just a park in town that wasn't very often used at this time of day. They stood there, watching each other hesitantly, as the senkai gate opened for them. Isshin hugged his daughter tightly.

"Don't let old man Yamamoto bully you into doing anything dangerous, Karin-chan. And you take care of both yourself and your sister, Ichigo." Both nodded, even if Ichigo was still rather stunned at this turn of events.

"We need to get going. Goodbye, Isshin."

"Toushirou." And with a last look over her shoulder, Karin returned to Soul Society.

It was nerve-wracking to wait outside the massive gates leading into the Captain-Commander's audience room. Since they came back, Ichigo had needed to spend most of his time with his division and Hinamori-fukutaichou. Karin was thankful that Rangiku had been willing to take up their training again, with no real opponents she needed the sparring to keep her senses sharp and even though she had been proven to have more reiatsu than the fukutaichou, Rangiku still had the experience to more than make up for that difference. Hitsugaya had spent the week trying to keep avoiding her, but somewhere along the way, Karin had changed her approach. Something Rangiku had said had sounded like he cared more than he let show… and when she thought about it, she had seen it clearly while they were alone after defeating the arrancar in the Real World, so she could believe in that. Most of the time, she'd left him to his own devices, having enough worries to handle without adding more to the list. Sometimes, though, she'd sought him out where he couldn't hide. She never mentioned their times together, or pressured him, but just being around him felt good. Once he understood that she wasn't going to do anything stupid, he relaxed a little. That had been different when he had sent a Hell Butterfly for her this morning. He was going to the Captain-Commander and she'd been ordered to come along. He had been extremely tense when they met up. That didn't seem too promising. So now she was standing around outside the great double doors with the First Division insignia on them, watching her surroundings and thinking about her future.

As she was waiting there, someone in a torn white haori came walking. She'd heard of him from Ichi-nii. Best to avoid, but she couldn't really walk off. Almost in slow motion she felt him come closer, his reiatsu levels enough to weigh on his shoulders, his gaze and his grin enough to make her tense up again. _Phooey, and I had just managed to calm down_. It had probably been better to look away, but she met his eyes with a stubborn glare of her own. She had never been one to back down because the opposition seemed too much.

"You're spirited, I like that. Who're you?"

"Kurosaki Karin." There wasn't much else to say, but there was a gleam in his eyes at that, one she wasn't particularly thrilled with. _This man is dangerous… better stay on my toes…_

"Like Icchi," grinned the little pink-haired fukutaichou on the giant's shoulder. Kenpachi Zeraki. That was the taichou's name.

"Are you as good as Ichigo?" Just as he said that, the guards openened the door to her rescue.

"The Captain-Commander is waiting."

"I don't know," she answered Zeraki truthfully, before turning and walking through the doors, her heart a bit calmer just to get away from that man, even if it was into the jaws of a possibly worse fate. In the grand room, Hitsugaya was waiting by the side and the powerful old man that was Captain-Commander of all Soul Society waited in his chair. She stopped in the middle of the room, waiting for something to happen.

"Kurosaki Karin." The old man nailed her with a single look. Maybe staying with the bloodthirsty madman in the corridor would have been a better choice. "You have been summoned because you spent some time under the influence of a powerful arrancar."

"Well, not quite," she disagreed, unaware of any social rules she should have adhered to. "It did affect me, but I was always in control." It was impossible to tell what his reaction to that was, he just opened his eyes a little more and looked straight into hers. She felt herself involuntarily straightening.

"It has been said that you remember nothing of when this arrancar… latched on to your mind. Before I pass any judgement in the case, I would like to know why. I have summoned Ato, who can help you bring those memories back. Would you give your consent to that?"

"Yes." It wasn't really a choice. She wanted to know. The memories probably weren't too comfy, but it was the best suggestion anyone had come up with since she entered Soul Society.

"Good then," the old man agreed and summoned a younger Shinigami. Hitsugaya looked like he was about to say something, but refrained with a deep frown on his face. Almost before she noticed what happened, she was floating past the unknown Shinigami's strange, ice white eyes and back into her memories. She knew what she wanted to focus on…

_The first few Hollows were just as easy as usual, but there were so many. Ichigo disappeared into the crowd of them, really. Her limbs started aching with the effort of swinging Tennou around so much, but__ at least the horde of enemies was thinning out. Then she saw it. It was different than all the others and had gotten much closer. It slipped past her defences skilfully, but she had spent a lot of time training this year and she managed to almost completely dodge the first attack. It just scratched her left arm a little._ That's where I got the wound that Dad bandaged for me… but… _Somehow, the arrancar latched on to her arm as she avoided its attack, stopping her flight abruptly with its bodyweight. Struggling just to stay standing and try to get loose, she was an easy target and the arrancar gripped her chin with its clawlike hand, forcing her to look into its yellow eyes. If she didn't do anything drastic…_

"_Hado thirty-one, Shakkahou!" It was dangerous and she felt the blast up close as it burned into the arrancar's shoulder, sending her own body spinning backwards and into the asphalt. It hurt, but she had to get _up_! Then the Hollow were all over her again and she could just barely fend them off with Tennou… she noticed the arrancar behind her too late. Its arms surrounded her, blocking her movement, but the real danger was the sleepiness she was starting to feel. _No. Something's wrong, I don't want to… _She could have handled just the pain. But the foul feeling of the arrancar as it burrowed into her body… the way it started sorting through her mind and her memories ruthlessly even as it was still forcing the meld… all the bad memories of her life, all the sad moments, having her good memories twisted, feeling control slipping from her grasp, she felt useless, hollow…_

"_NO!_" Forcing everything away, she pushed outward with all her might. She couldn't let that happen, she was so close to losing it, she couldn't… she couldn't… for a moment she was still inside the memory, blinded by the panic, the need to retake control over her own mind… lashing out with her reiatsu like a weapon. Then her eyes came back into focus and she saw Hitsugaya shielding the younger Shinigami, who had fallen on his back on the floor. Using the same willpower that she had wielded to lash out, she pulled her defences back together. She felt weak, but at least she had it under control.

"I'm sorry." She was breathing heavily. "I didn't expect the memories to be so… real. I didn't know _what_ to expect, really." Hitsugaya straightened and turned to her, still silent. At least there was no anger in his face. He rather seemed to be considering how things had turned out. Then the Captain-Commander spoke.

"These are unusual circumstances." At least the old man didn't seem to think it necessary to confine her just yet. "I will notify you both of my decision. So we can move on to the less pressing matter of your wild_ bankai_. Once released, you must learn to control it, or it will control you. Fortunately, this is not unheard of, but the solution requires you to stay here in Soul Society for the time necessary to learn that. It may take many years." He paused, as if expecting her to complain. When she didn't, he continued. "I have asked Kuchiki-taichou to instruct you in how to control it, as he has personal experience on the subject."

"Thank you, Captain-Commander." There wasn't much else to say.

"Someone will make sure your things are moved." Hell no. Not when she had spent so much time getting to know the Tenth.

"I would rather stay with the Tenth Division if that's possible," she said unflinchingly. For a moment, the two watched each other in silence. It shouldn't be an impossible request, surely? Hitsugaya seemed to have completely lost his composure when she asked for it, though, and it took him a couple of seconds to stop staring at her as if she had grown a second head. "I have made many friends there and I work well with the seated officers," she offered as the explanation they seemed to want.

"Very well. I'm sure Kuchiki-taichou will contact you further." That was as effective a dismissal as she'd get, really. She just nodded respectfully and headed out through the door. Hitsugaya caught up with her outside, looking as calm as always. He said nothing, but it was good enough that he was there. At the bottom of the stairs Kenpachi was waiting. That was disturbing. The mad glitter in his eyes was still there.

"You have a decent reiatsu. We should fight."

"Maybe. Not yet, though," she said. Something gave her the feeling that if she let him, Hitsugaya would step in and tell his fellow taichou to back off for now, but she wasn't a damsel in distress. Really. "When I've worked out this issue with my bankai, I'll think about it." That should give her enough time to know if she needed to run like hell next time she met this man. He just grinned.

"Just don't forget, Kurosaki." She just nodded, there would be time to take care of that, too, but after forcing out all that reiatsu before, there was no way she'd think about it right now.

"You shouldn't be worried that people compare you to your brother," Hitsugaya said, looking a little too obviously into thin air. "You're just as reckless sometimes." She just smiled.

"Yeah, there are worse people to be compared to, I suppose. But Ichi-nii is a lot to live up to."

"He does all the things that no one else is foolish enough to do."

"Toushirou!" She wanted to chide him for that, but she had to smile.

"Hitsugaya-taichou," he said absent-mindedly.

"Whatever. Let's ask Rangiku if she wants to go for a drink."

"I'm not sure that's…"

"Maybe you'll lighten up half as much as you did last time." She stopped, looking seriously into his eyes. "I'm stuck in Soul Society now, you don't have that excuse anymore." She turned to face away from him.

"Karin, I…"

"You're really single-minded sometimes. If you ever again have to choose between protecting the ones you love and just loving them…" Looking over her shoulder, Karin was smiling at him. "I hope you never try to protect me like that again." They would be fine. It would take time, but she was a Kurosaki. She'd get there… and when she did, captain Hitsugaya Toushirou wouldn't know what hit him.


End file.
